THE BATTLE BEYOND EPICNESS: CHRIS HANSEN VS THE PEDOLORD SHURYO

[20:48:27 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : Then no, sir

[20:48:47 03/04/11] Chris Hansen : Oh really? We have the chat log.

[20:48:49 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : I only recognize the name Pedo4-7

[20:50:30 03/04/11] * Chris Hansen covers the odd stuff with a shield, "Nope."

[20:50:59 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : So Chris

[20:51:04 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : What's that over there?

[20:51:13 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya points at the camera in the corner.

[20:52:36 03/04/11] * Chris Hansen looks over, "That is one of the many hidden cameras we have in the cb."

[20:52:53 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya runs past Chris and grabs the loli, then runs out of the house with a victoryface.

[20:53:36 03/04/11] * Chris Hansen watches the police taze him.

[20:54:18 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya the taze only lasts a few seconds because Shuryo is that epic.

[20:54:25 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya continues to run away.

[20:55:16 03/04/11] * Chris Hansen watches the police follow him in a ROFLCOPTER firing Loli proof PEDOBOMBS.

[20:55:52 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya turns around and Trollfaces at the PEDOBOMBS, making them go straight back into the ROFLCOPTER and make it explode.

[20:57:06 03/04/11] * Chris Hansen watches the Loli kick Shu in the nads while he troll faces and runs into the anti rape shield of justice.

[20:57:38 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya watches the loli hurt her foot and fall on the ground because he has balls of steel.. literally, cause my bones are as hard as steel.

[20:57:52 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya picks her up and continues to run.

[20:58:37 03/04/11] * Chris Hansen notes that his balls cannot be steel for they are not bones.

[20:59:02 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya was wearing a bone cup.

[20:59:58 03/04/11] * Chris Hansen watches as the Loli explodes into a million ant sized Lolis and escapes.

[21:00:22 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya notes that it was physically impossible to do that.

[21:00:40 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya grabs another loli off the street and jumps up a building to get away.

[21:00:52 03/04/11] * Chris Hansen watches the building explode.

[21:01:34 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya watches the building explode behind him since he is already over it.

[21:01:47 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : You shall not defeat my pedoness, Chris!

[21:02:28 03/04/11] * Chris Hansen appears in front of Shu, "Oh really now?"

[21:02:32 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : It's the loli's fault they were on a chat site at age 7.. I'm just helping them understand why they shouldn't be there.

[21:02:34 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : OHSHI

[21:02:36 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya falls back

[21:02:55 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : T-T-Tobi!?

[21:03:03 03/04/11] * Chris Hansen takes the Loli from him and gives her to police.

[21:03:31 03/04/11] Chris Hansen : You will never know, Shu...

[21:03:36 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : Stands up and looks Chris in the eyes

[21:03:38 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : /me*

[21:03:39 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : fuck

[21:03:42 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : Lol screw it

[21:04:06 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya giant ribcage shoots out and impales Chris. Pulls out and impales again. And again. And again.

[21:04:57 03/04/11] * Chris Hansen izanagis and warps away from Shu, "Nope."

[21:05:10 03/04/11] * Chris Hansen now only has his left eye.

[21:05:15 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya trololo's. "You just lost an eye."

[21:05:23 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : NOW!!

[21:05:28 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya takes a Lee stance.

[21:05:34 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : GATE OF PEDONESS, OPEN!

[21:05:50 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya four buildings and the street are ripped apart from the sudden surge of energy.

[21:05:59 03/04/11] * Chris Hansen takes a lee stance also, "GATE OF JUSTICE, OPEN!"

[21:06:01 03/04/11] * Mercy holds up a nude woman at Shu.

[21:06:09 03/04/11] * Mercy mentions that this old woman is 99.

[21:06:23 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya teleports over to Mercy and knocks her out by poking her.

[21:06:32 03/04/11] * Chris Hansen makes every criminal within a 1000 mile radius run in terror.

[21:06:35 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya then teleports over to Chris and kicks in the face.

[21:06:47 03/04/11] * Mercy flops over like a dead fish.

[21:07:01 03/04/11] * Chris Hansen ducks the kick and responds with a justice punch to the back of the head

[21:07:24 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya teleports behind Chris and kicks him into the air

[21:08:13 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : I know.

[21:08:17 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : And I'mma let you finish

[21:08:24 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : BUT CHRIS HANSEN IS THE WORST FIGHTER OF ALL TIME

[21:08:37 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya pulls a Kanye West

[21:09:18 03/04/11] * Chris Hansen gets kicked into the air, but his justice does not allow him to flinch, "Bring it on, childfucker."

[21:09:44 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya eyes narrow as he opens the next gate.

[21:10:03 03/04/11] Tzura : What is this shit?

[21:10:06 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : I'M RICK JAMES, BITCH, OPEN!!!!!!!!

[21:10:19 03/04/11] * Ame stands and watches, holding Steph as she munches on a sandwich.

[21:10:34 03/04/11] * Mercy munches on Ali's sandwich too, also watching.

[21:10:34 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya starts teleporting around Chris Hansen epically and kicking him into buildings then destroying the buildings and kicking him into the next one.

[21:10:37 03/04/11] Chris Hansen : FUCK YOUR MUSIC, OPEN!!!!

[21:11:12 03/04/11] * Chris Hansen blocks the kicks but the force still knocks him into buildings. Once there is in apening he grabs Shu's leg and hurls him to the ground.

[21:11:14 03/04/11] Ame : Entertainment.

[21:11:18 03/04/11] Chris Hansen : *opening

[21:11:54 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya flies towards the ground and lands on his hands, backflipping into a teleport and smashing a spiked bone fist into Chris's stomach.

[21:12:13 03/04/11] Hannibal Roy. Bean : Its time.

[21:12:23 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : (This is going into the best moments of the CB.)

[21:12:35 03/04/11] Ame : xD

[21:12:48 03/04/11] * Chris Hansen arcs himself over the punch and drives his knee into Shu's face.

[21:13:16 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya becomes enraged as the knee makes contact and Shu is slowly sent flying back. Hitting the ground, Shu decided it was time for the third gate.

[21:13:19 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : Haa...

[21:13:31 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : GATE OF FUCK YO COUCH, OPEN!!!!!

[21:13:38 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya giant crater suddenly explodes under Shu

[21:14:08 03/04/11] * Chris Hansen focuses his energy and opens his third gate, "GATE OF WHOOP YOUR PEDO ASS, OPEN!"

[21:14:12 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya appears several meters above Chris and nosedives with a punch.

[21:14:38 03/04/11] * Chris Hansen creates a shockwave of war that blasts Shu away.

[21:14:53 03/04/11] Chris Hansen : That's right... The war against pedos...

[21:15:38 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya uses PEDO TENSEI to match the shockwave.

[21:16:07 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya energy begins to form in Shu's hand, and then sparks into a mixture of spiraling force and small sparks compacting inward.

[21:16:44 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : FEAR THE POWER OF THE GATES, CHRIS! FUCK YO COUCH!!!!!

[21:16:56 03/04/11] Chris Hansen :

[21:17:02 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya teleports a foot in front of Chris, then teleports again with the ball of force exlpoding into his stomach.

[21:17:33 03/04/11] * Chris Hansen coughs a bit of blood and slams into the ground, a crater formed around his landing point.

[21:17:56 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya falls back and hits the ground hard, slowly rising to his knees.

[21:18:01 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : This fight isn't over..

[21:18:09 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya stands up and enters a stance.

[21:18:19 03/04/11] * Chris Hansen stands slowly and faces Shu, "I will never be over..."

[21:18:45 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : Then it looks like we will both fall in this fight..

[21:18:49 03/04/11] * Chris Hansen takes his stance and charges at Shu, "RAAAAAAAAAAAGE!"

[21:19:25 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya bone forms all around my forearm. "Clematis, Flower!" Charges, fatigued.

[21:20:37 03/04/11] * Chris Hansen still charges, undeterred by the bone, "We both will die here!"

[21:21:00 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya smirks, "We aren't done yet! There are still five gates to go.."

[21:22:37 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya jumps over Chris and drops the bone, landing and entering his fourth gate.

[21:23:19 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : GATE OF LOLIBOORU, OPEN!

[21:23:37 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya energy gathers and compacts all around Shu

[21:23:49 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : But.. this fight won't go on that long.

[21:23:51 03/04/11] Hisoka Setsuna : I went to bed at like 7. And woke up at like 9. e_e;

[21:23:55 03/04/11] * Chris Hansen skids to a stop and turns to face Shu, activating his gate also, "GATE OF PEDOKILLING, OPEN!"

[21:24:13 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya enters the fifth and sixth gate as well, energy compacting more and more into him.

[21:24:25 03/04/11] Hisoka Setsuna : This is epic, jus sayin/.

[21:24:38 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : Gates of Love and Rape, Open!

[21:25:03 03/04/11] * Chris Hansen activates his other two gates to match Shu

[21:25:14 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya Shu moves behind Chris so quickly an after-image of himself was left where he was. Kicks Chris to the Valley of the End

[21:25:48 03/04/11] * Chris Hansen is unable to say the names as he gets kicked all the way to the Valley of The Emd, "A change of Venue I see..."

[21:26:22 03/04/11] Mercy : Dude. I'm not even kidding.

[21:26:27 03/04/11] Mercy : Shu and Chris should write a book.

[21:26:28 03/04/11] Chris Hansen : Should we take this out of the CB and into the 'Last Post Wins topic, Shu..."

[21:26:31 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : Yes...

[21:26:41 03/04/11] * Shūryō Kaguya stands on the sandal of Hashirama.

[21:26:44 03/04/11] Chris Hansen : I'll be waiting.

[21:26:58 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : No, Chris!

[21:27:11 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : We shall make this an entirely seperate topic in the Off Topic Section..

[21:27:20 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : It is far too epic for the 'Last Post Wins!'

[21:27:24 03/04/11] @ Shūryō Kaguya : I shall make it now..

[21:27:33 03/04/11] Chris Hansen : Alright...

[21:27:34 03/04/11] Mercy : Ares!

[21:27:36 03/04/11] Mercy : Quick!

[21:27:39 03/04/11] Chris Hansen : We WILL end this...

Shuryo stood at the valley of the end, his power raging. There would only be a short time now until the end. This was.. the Final Destination!

Chris was blasted by the kick before he could fully open his other two gates in order to match the speed and strength of Shu. The force was enough to take him all the way from the CB on the home page, to this particular OOC thread. It was a battle of epic proportions, and it would determine the fate of the justice world as we know. It would be Pedophile Shu versus Pedo-Fighter Chris Hansen...

He staggered to his feet, blood dripping from the cut on his forehead stained his tattered business suit, "I will not lose to YOU!!!!!!" he shouted at the top of his lungs, activating the gates that he had not chance to use earlier, "GATES MASTERY AND TRAPPING, OPEN!" There was a surge of energy that blasted the jacket and top right off the upper half of his body which revealed the muscles that years of fighting for justice could bring. He then took his stance and waited for Shu to strike once again.

Shuryo narrowed his eyes as he looked at Chris Hansen power up once again. Shuryo hesitated for only a moment and smiled, thinking to himself. Of only he knew.. Shuryo stopped and then charged across the water. He moved so quickly two waves shot up from nothing as he prepared a strong fist for Chris's ribcage.

"I SHALL NOT FALL ON THIS DAY!"

Chris Hansen's eyes widened once the waves came and twisted his body to avoid the punch. He pushed the fist away with his right hand and with his left, dropped an elbow to the back of his head with enough force to crush a human skull like a watermelon. However, he knew that Shu would be able to take this strike, for the both of them are not normal humans, "NOR SHALL I!"

Shu went down into the ground, however the energy of the gates and the strong steel bones did not even fracture from the hit. They both were truly epic beings. Hitting the ground, Shu would twist and attempt to send Chris right off of his feet with a sweeping kick then roll away back onto the water and disappear underneath. He had a plan, and his plan was the Dance of the Seedling Sperm. There, underwater, Shuryo would turn upside down, and release a massive forest of giant bone spikes all throughout the Valley of the End, that would reach up past the height of the sandals and pierce the walls, making the water a river of jaws.

Chris was swept right off of his feet but he took advantage of the momentum and curled into a ball and turned it into a side flip. Once he touched his feet down he expelled some of his energy in one great leap because he could not see what was going on once his opponent disappeared into the water.

It seemed that his jumping was a solid idea, for once in the air the area around him erupted into a chasm of sharp bones. Due to the height of his jump, it would take a bit of time (three posts) for him to return to the ground once more. The man waited in the air for his opponent to appear, "You can't hide forever, Shuryo!"

Shuryo emerged from the very tip of one of the bone spikes. That was the ability this technique granted him. He had access to anywhere the bones were for movement. He could match gate speed by traveling through them, but even better use them as a weapon in this state. Jumping out, Shuryo fell for only a moment before kicking a large bone spike up into the air at Chris Hansen. Then he jumped on it, riding it to conserve energy on the way up. Jumping off before it could miss, Shuryo was ready to trick his opponent.

"Now it's time to end this once and for all, Chris Hansen.."

Shuryo held his smile away as he transformed once more.

"Eigth Gate of Fate, OPEN!"

Little did his opponent know, Shuryo was actually opening his seventh gate, and only pretending to be opening the eight. It was a trick to lure his opponent into a quick death. The eight gate.. was something entirely different for Shuryo.

He extended his palm towards Hansen, and a bone claw shot out at high speed from his palm to latch onto Chris's body and begin retracting to pull him in at high speed. Shuryo prepared a fist and a leg, just as Lee did all that time ago.

Shuryo flickered. "LOLI LOTUS!"

An immense explosion of chakra would come around Shuryo and Chris as the attack made contact, and then implode on Chris to send him falling down at extreme speed to the Chasm. If the attack hit.

Chris smirked once Shu 'activated' his eighth gate and did so himself, unaware of the trick, "GATE OF CANCELLED DATELINE SERIES', OPEN!" There was a surge of energy that was enough to blast the bone claw away if it hadn't latched onto him. Once Shu flickered, Chris expelled a bit of his energy to do the same and moved to lock his legs around Shu's body.

Shu was screwed as he felt the legs lock around his body, interrupting the kick and missing the punch as he did so. Shu looked at Chris though, and he smiled for a moment. Bone came out of Shuryo's body from his knees, shoulders, chest, and arms all wrapping around Chris.

"We go together.. and with my force."

He opened his eight gate for real this time now that he had the advantage.

"EIGHTH GATE OF TRUTH, OPEN! FOR NOW, YOU WILL LEARN THAT I.. I.."

Shuryo coughed blood and began to fall with Chris since they were stuck together in his bone encasing. There was a secret behind it all, in which Shuryo knew this match would end still with someone as the victor. As they fell, things seemed to slow down.

"I.. Hansen... that girl.. where this all began.."

He was about to say something before they hit Hashirama's forehead and the bone shattered, making them both fall towards the water.

Chris stayed quiet once the both of them were encased in the bone and listed to Shu speak, but before he could finish they both slammed into the statue and their only protection shattered. Everything around him moved in slow motion as his vision began to fade, they had both opened their eigth gate and now were paying the price for it. In despiration he reached out for Shu and pulled him into his arms before inverting and they plummeted to the spike infested water. Since the both of them were going to die, he wanted to deliver the final blow, "Suicidal Lotus!"

(Video 0:00 to 0:40)

Shu encased Chris in bone as he held him, they were both face to face and falling quickly but slowly. Shu reached down and pulled out a scroll, placing it in Chris's possession. He spoke faintly before the end.

"It.. was all a troll, Chris.. that girl.. She was my sister.. I was a fan.."

He coughed up blood, smiling.

"We did it.. just to meet you.. and this scroll.. use it.. for you will survive the eigth gate."

Nearing the water now, the bone retracted. Shu closed his eyes as blood began to pour from his mouth. His heart was slowly stopping.

"You've got a job to do, Mr. Hansen. You'd best be doing it."

He said it strongly, as though he were giving a strong order, as well as praise at the same time.

"Goodbye."

Shu would kick Chris away as he hit the water, but the extreme force would cause him to stay on the surface. There was such an impact it shattered Shuryo's bones, and didn't even cause disturbance in the water.

Suddenly, Shuryo's body began to dissipate into the river. His body was slowly becoming a mile-long field of flowers atop the water, thanks to his ability. They bloomed, and sat untouched by the current.

Rain gathered above and sprinkled in tranquility. The fight was over, and there was a winner.

Chris gripped the scroll with his right hand and returned the weak smile,

"It was a very intricate troll." he said, blood dripping from his lip,

"And I will always remember you for this fight. No one has ever pushed me to the point of using my eighth gate of Justice before."

Once Shu spoke of him having a job to do he nodded and said, "You will not be forgotten, Shuryo Kaguya. My job will be to ensure that real predators are taken down and punished for their crimes."

He shook Shu's hand tightly before he was kicked to safety, skidding across the one platform unsullied by their battle. Once Shu crashed into the water and the Forget Me Not's began spreading he opened the scroll and his energy was restored, saving him from death.

Once the rain began, Chris kneeled in the flowers and plucked one, a single tear sliding down his cheek, "And now that girl has no one to protect her..." He left the scroll in the middle of the meadow and limped from the area, his job of destroying all pedophiles unfinished.