| Hyouzen Clan | |
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Altair Hyouzen Genin
TP : 0 Posts : 33 Join date : 2011-05-07 Location : The shadows
Ninja Profile Main Class: Assassin Secondary Class: Vanguard Sensei:
| Subject: Hyouzen Clan Sat May 07, 2011 3:09 pm | |
| Name:Hyouzen Village/Association:Dokugakure History:This clan has been around for centuries but has never shown themselves for fear that they be hunted down. The founder and clan leader Tana Doragonhāto was a kind person she never understood her powers but was willing to pass them on before she passed on. Its was three years after the clan was starting to come alive before Tana died.
The next person that was suposed to be the leader was Tana's younger brother kenta but Tana's son was born earlier on and was the right age so he took the throne and Kenta had to wait once more but Kenta was a trickster. Kenta was filling Tana's son Nowa with lies, and false facts.
Afterwards Nowa launched an attack on the nearest village and took control and went to the next and the next and so on. Before he could attack the first major village Kenta had a change of heart and killed Nowa for the safety of the clan. The clan split up thinking that would be the best solution, a few Doragonhāto childeren pop up now and again but the clan stays hidden waiting for the right moment to come back and redeem there lost honor.Clan Symbol: Elemental Affinity:Yōgan{Lava release}Other info
Jutsu : - Spoiler:
Genin Name: Yōgan: Yōgan no kobushi {Lava release: Lava fist} Rank: D Element: Yogan Type: Taijutsu/Kekkai Genkai Range: Close Description: The user engulfs there hands in Lava causing minor discomfort to the user. After the lava has taken the form of the users hand it can be used as either offense and or defense. The user must place chakra into the lava to heat it up where it'll reach 235 degrees Fahrenheit. If chakra is not placed into thee jutsu the gloves will begin to cool off and just become rocks. When in its heated form the gloves (or so we shall calm them) can easily burn its way through wood and rock but may have trouble getting through steal and stringer objects. Lasts 5 posts cooldown down of 4 posts.
Name:Yōgan: Yōgan no kabe {Lava release: Lava wall} Rank: D Element: Yogan Type: Kekkai Genkai - Ninjutsu Range: Close-Long Description: The user causes a 7 ft wall 40 inches wide of lava to appear before them. The lava can be sent hurling in any direction the user cho0oses although onnce launched a whole new wall would need to be created. If anything such as trees, leaves would burn after about 3 seconds of coming into contact with the wall. If a human or animal came into contact with it they would receieve first degree burns and if not healed after 4 posts or such will increase to second degree burns but would go no further.
Name: Yōgan: Yōgan seigyo Rank: D Element: Yōgan Type: Kekkai Genkai/Ninjutsu Range:Medium 15 ft from user Description: The user releases chakra into the earth and causes the surronding area to be turned into lava. Although the area the user is in burns and such the area outside his/her range will be unaffected. If someone comes into contact with this the result would be them same as above.
Chuunin
Name: Doragondasshu{ Dragon Dash} Rank: C-A Element: Fuuton Type: Kekkai Genkai-Ninjutsu Range: N/A Description: The user wings expand again and the feet turn into dragon talons. After everything has finished the transformation the users speed increases to x2 there base level.
Special Jounin
Name: Doragon no uroko{Dragon Scales} Rank: B Type: Kekkai Genkai/Ninjutsu Range: N/A Description: The user uses the there chakra to cause there skin to morph into that of dragons scales. The scales are able to protect the user from 5 jutsus max. The scales can protect against lower ranking jutsu but any higher ranking jutsu will destroy the scales instantly also the user will be inflicted with 15% of damage from the attack .{ The scales do not protect against genjutsu} This last up to 7 posts and has a cooldown of 10 in between
Jounin Name: Ryū no me{ Dragon Eyes} Rank: A Type: Kekkai Genkai/Ijutsu Range: Close Description: the users eyes turn into those of a dragon down to the last detail. The eyes grant the user better reflexes and keener sight. The eyes can last up to 5 posts before they fade and has a cooldown of 7 posts once faded.
S-ranked Name:Furudoragonrirīsu{Full Dragon Release} Rank: S Type: Kekkai Genkai Range: N/A Description: the jutsu is designed as a desperation technique for the users. The user releases all available chakra that they have left into a full transformation into a dragon but is still capable of control of there powers. Afterwards there body begins to deteriorate from the inside the longer the jutsu is active the more the body is destroyed, only can stay active for 5 posts max 9 post cool down.
Clan members: - Spoiler:
Altair~Prince
Last edited by Altair Hyouzen on Sun May 15, 2011 3:29 am; edited 4 times in total | |
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Xin Li Legendary Sannin
TP : 0 Posts : 647 Join date : 2011-03-08
Ninja Profile Main Class: Assassin Secondary Class: Vanguard Sensei:
| Subject: Re: Hyouzen Clan Sat May 07, 2011 6:21 pm | |
| Man this is a cluster bang. You have to do some editing. The history isnt bad, but your jutsu and ect is too much especially the Hyouton plays a large part bud. It belongs to the Yuki clan. Denied until edits are made. | |
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Altair Hyouzen Genin
TP : 0 Posts : 33 Join date : 2011-05-07 Location : The shadows
Ninja Profile Main Class: Assassin Secondary Class: Vanguard Sensei:
| Subject: Re: Hyouzen Clan Sun May 08, 2011 11:43 am | |
| Wait so i just have to change my elements and such. | |
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Xin Li Legendary Sannin
TP : 0 Posts : 647 Join date : 2011-03-08
Ninja Profile Main Class: Assassin Secondary Class: Vanguard Sensei:
| Subject: Re: Hyouzen Clan Sun May 08, 2011 11:57 am | |
| Yup. Hyouton is Yuki's KKG. You must remove that. From what I can tell your clan uses alot of ice jutsu, and we cant allow that since it is the yukis kkg. Overall history is okay, but you have to rework some jutsu. The clan as a whole seems OP | |
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Altair Hyouzen Genin
TP : 0 Posts : 33 Join date : 2011-05-07 Location : The shadows
Ninja Profile Main Class: Assassin Secondary Class: Vanguard Sensei:
| Subject: Re: Hyouzen Clan Sun May 08, 2011 11:23 pm | |
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Xin Li Legendary Sannin
TP : 0 Posts : 647 Join date : 2011-03-08
Ninja Profile Main Class: Assassin Secondary Class: Vanguard Sensei:
| Subject: Re: Hyouzen Clan Tue May 10, 2011 6:28 am | |
| Mate this is a tad bit painful, but YOU really have to redo majority of your jutsu. I dont really know where to statr, but Like 8+ of your jutsu will be denied. You are doing a bit too much atm. Scale it down. Like you are turning into a half dragon, have lava release, producing a dojutsu that is basically the sharingan, you can regenerate and heal?
Remove and rework mate. bump it when you are done. | |
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Altair Hyouzen Genin
TP : 0 Posts : 33 Join date : 2011-05-07 Location : The shadows
Ninja Profile Main Class: Assassin Secondary Class: Vanguard Sensei:
| Subject: Re: Hyouzen Clan Tue May 10, 2011 10:11 am | |
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Xin Li Legendary Sannin
TP : 0 Posts : 647 Join date : 2011-03-08
Ninja Profile Main Class: Assassin Secondary Class: Vanguard Sensei:
| Subject: Re: Hyouzen Clan Fri May 13, 2011 2:40 am | |
| Zero members of this clan can use fuuton. The primary and secondary are predetermined as fire and earth. So please remove those please. Alot of your jutsu are still op and must be down graded like your dragon stuff should be removed, but I will help tou as I can. | |
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Altair Hyouzen Genin
TP : 0 Posts : 33 Join date : 2011-05-07 Location : The shadows
Ninja Profile Main Class: Assassin Secondary Class: Vanguard Sensei:
| Subject: Re: Hyouzen Clan Fri May 13, 2011 2:59 pm | |
| Alright then changed that, now which jutsu look OP? | |
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Xin Li Legendary Sannin
TP : 0 Posts : 647 Join date : 2011-03-08
Ninja Profile Main Class: Assassin Secondary Class: Vanguard Sensei:
| Subject: Re: Hyouzen Clan Fri May 13, 2011 3:11 pm | |
| Name:Ryū no tsubasa{Dragon Wings} Rank: D Element: Yogan Type: Kekkai Genkai - Ninjutsu Range: Close-Long Description: The user makes dragon type wings formed from Lava to come from his/her back. Once the wings fully appear the user uses his wind chakra to use diffrent techniques with the wing. The user is able to fly once the wings are expanded but not for a long period of time maybe for about 4-5 mintues. {exp: Super speed, Great gusts of winds} This can stay active for 8 posts max and has a 5 post cooldown
Name: Doragondasshu{ Dragon Dash} Rank: C-A Element: Fuuton Type: Kekkai Genkai-Ninjutsu Range: N/A Description: The user wings expand again and the feet turn into dragon talons. After everything has finished the transformation the users speed increases to x2 there base level.
Name: Ryū no me{ Dragon Eyes} Rank: A Type: Kekkai Genkai/Ijutsu Range: Close Description: the users eyes turn into those of a dragon down to the last detail. The eyes grant the user better reflexes and keener sight. The eyes can last up to 5 posts before they fade and has a cooldown of 7 posts once faded.
S-ranked Name:Furudoragonrirīsu{Full Dragon Release} Rank: S Type: Kekkai Genkai Range: N/A Description: the jutsu is designed as a desperation technique for the users. The user releases all available chakra that they have left into a full transformation into a dragon but is still capable of control of there powers. Afterwards there body begins to deteriorate from the inside the longer the jutsu is active the more the body is destroyed, only can stay active for 5 posts max 9 post cool down.
You've got one or two more, but in all honestly I am tried as fuck right now, and am very loose minded. Overall this has potential, but I'm not getting where the hell this dragon eye stuff or the flighty jutsu or ect is coming from. You're increasing your speeed, your eye sight to that of a shargian, increasing your skin density and ect. So I'm asking how does all this stem from Lava Release, which is the sole KKG itself.
Now I'm not mad or anything it's just that when I look at this it seems like you got too excited, and added some stuff in there that technquelly shouldn't be in there. But like I said I am tired mate. I am going to lay down, and I'll do what i can to help iron this out when I wake up | |
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